I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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