Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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