she was so not down for the gang bang
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
