I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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