he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
