Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
