the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
