my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
