somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
