i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
