the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
