So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
