My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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