Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
