I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
