well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
