first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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