I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You need a sexual gate keeper
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
