Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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