if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
