he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
