hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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