life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
