I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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