Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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