I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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