really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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