I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
