my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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