Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
