when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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