Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
