I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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