yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
