My nipple is on Facebook.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
