On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
