I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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