dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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