I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
