dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
