I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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