Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
