i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
