She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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