do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
