So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
