So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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