i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
