Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
