i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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