Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
