Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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